I have been a total stranger here and it's not because of a lack of interest or a lack of analyzing, I'd say it's quite the contrary: too much happens and I feel passionate (again) about too many things!
During the autumn and winter I felt I was lacking passion, I felt I was bored and uninspired and I couldn't really figure out why and almost felt I didn't care why - I just was.
After having talked about it with a couple of friends I did, however, have to face that it DID matter why, simply because you cannot change what you don't acknowledge. I didn't quite get it and maybe still today not totally but in a way....
Yeah, that sounds unclear, I know.
I decided to take on an approach I decided on when my marriage wasn't "all that" during a period in life: I'll create what I want. Really like: if you want something - go get it!
That is for sure easier said than done, especially when it comes to more complex "wantings". Fixing a routined marriage went very well and all that really needed was the decision and the effort and motivation - having put that in place the marriage suddenly went from a "6 out of 10" to a "10 out of 10". Communication and applying yourself goes a long way.
How do I fix not being inspired, huh??
That took some thinking about. Work had too many deadlines and tasks that needed just doing and doing and doing. I couldn't not do it, so nothing to change there.
I needed brand new passion in my very personal inner life and decided that this spring I'll find that, I must find it or this whole life I have can't continue the same way. It was that important to me. I needed the glow back into my soul.
Even though I didn't feel like it, I took up my novel writing again. I also started forcing myself to search and find both old and new music that would ignite me. I also decided to indulge in one thing I'd never allowed myself to indulge in before: fashion and clothes. On top of it all, I decided to try painting, despite of the point of view I had, that I could not do it.
As simple as it may seem, it worked. I these day love putting out ensembles every night before going to bed, knowing I'll feel good wearing it the next day (especially vintage finds, that are easy on the environment and on my wallet). The commute rides went from nice to fabulous listening to my old hiphop favorites and new music I love, that I didn't know existed. And just recently I finished my very first painting, that looks something like I hoped it would and I love it. I will definitely continue with that.
This shows me that I can have passion and inspiration if I want to, I can never just mourn that it goes away. It takes a lot but it's worth it.
One day my novel will be finished and after that agonizingly painful writing (that that topic is), maybe I'll write something that is even more inviting to write?!
Having a reason to really long home and feeling like I can't wait to get home has defintaley changed my weeks and therefore my life. At this age I'm in, just after 40, life shows itself as the very limited process that it is and I simply can't afford to waste a single day. That's how I feel. I must live to the fullest every day and I must lead a life that has value and meaning, for me and for others, every day or I will feel blue and uninspired.
All this work and all this thinking and wondering has awarded me a great marriage and an inspired everyday life. It's mind-blowing to me that I decided I could have it, and I got it!
That's all, folks!
Love, from me!
/C, formerly known as A ;-)
