Friday, May 10, 2013

To choose each other

I've been thinking so much these last, say four, years. I have been feeling, wondering, questioning and even worrying. The upside of a forty year crisis arriving at 38 is that when you become forty, you're pretty much done with crisis:ing!
That's how it was for me.
My crisis also happened to come at the same time as I upped and moved away from my firstborn (a true hardship) and also started a new job with unexpected challenges, for which I was not prepared.

Having said that....

Here I now find myself being 42 and really enjoying life. Loving those I have in my life and as I've talked about repeatedly in this blog: really starting to like even myself. To think that should take so many years, eh?!
As hard as it is to grasp and to even want to grasp, liking (preferably loving) yourself is a solid ground to love your husband (or wife/boyfriend/girlfriend).
This spring has deepened that understanding for me.
My husband has had a hard year with unemployment, realizing his PhD has played out its part, no money to study for but deciding to study anyway. To live off of his wife's money and on a tight, very tight, budget.
At first he went blue.... Then he awoke his fighting spirit and kicks ass (hell yeah!) right now studying two full time educations at once.
I'm impressed and proud.
At the same time we never see each other because he also tries to find extra-job and summer-job and manages well in that effort. As if that wasn't enough he needs to do things that fills his well a little, too, so he engages in politics locally and engages in The Boy's soccer club.

I'm left working, commuting and sneaking out to buy a few small things that we can't afford.
And exercising! Four times a week and loving it! Coming to realize it is a fab way towards loving me.

Here's the deal though, in this blog post, my husband and I choose each other.
For deep down real. Every day.
There has been many occasions we could have given up these last four years (well all our hardship-15-years actually!!), when things were hard, weird and we'd feel spent. But we didn't.
The day we decided to become a couple, we both knew it was for life and it is.
It's an amazing thrill to get into a grown relationship and last many years, facing hard times, sticking it out and then on the other side discovering how you both grew and changed and became "even better". More interesting, more glued together and more free in heart and spirit. More relaxed, more secure.

So almost 15 years down the path we choose each other every day and we laugh and have fun together. We choose to have fun together, it doesn't happen by itself, of course.

I've thought quite a lot about this since relationships around us end and couples break up and we're like: "what?".

I've been in an abusive relationship and know that kind of horror, of course you gnaw your foot off and run. But all these marriages ending, surprises me and makes me wonder about expectations and effort.
If nothing else, it makes me glad that I am so darn stubborn :-)

That's all I have today!
I will give you some foolish shots of me and Marcus, just to amuse you:

Enjoy your weekend all you lovelies and gourgeouses out there! Remember to take care of YOU.

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