Lately, as long time followers here may have noticed, my pace has changed a little bit and my thoughts got extended room and the photos and cheers got a little less.
I have started to think longer on things and deeper. I have started to view different areas of my life - past and present - through new goggles! I dig things out, look at them, turn them around and look again. And again.
Then I write and then I write some more. I truly enjoy it and finally it has become a true hobby, this blog, not just a necessity to find strength to make it through the week, as it once started out.
I know I'm a pain talking about my role models a lot but thanks to some of them I have been able (pointed out to) start this soul searching.
Also, I have noticed I have a certain way of living and regarding things that maybe some people don't or haven't found their way in to, yet.
I actually get questions as to how I can be so happy all the time or how I can stand tall during struggles that other would escape from, rather than enduring.
To me it has always been a given, like there's no other choice. I can't imagine giving things up because it's hard but when different friends have said "everything doesn't have to be a struggle all the time, you know" or "I wouldn't take this, I would quit" and I disagree, I really feel I'm different from them in that way.
I have no clue if I was born this way or if my life shaped me in this direction, I just think it's a given and I think that at the end of the day and at the end of my life I must know I did everything and that does not include giving up.
That is how I respect myself and grow to depend on me. I also find that other people depend on me in areas and ways that aren't necessarily tangible but basic. It's a foundation that certain things arise from and it's not obvious but it is necessary.
I also know that my husband is the same way and that is why we don't shy away from living on one salary only, when life throws us that task or braving the unknown. That may also be why we don't question our being together: it's a given and it's a fair struggle with a tremendous award at the end of each and every day!
Then the issue of "purpose" arose.
I started thinking of what the purpose really is, for me. I use words as struggle and hardships and awards. Yes, many parts of my life have been different struggles because they had to be, there was no giving up, or people would get permanently damaged. Why did I fight the fights, why do I take on each day, each new challenge?
How come I don't sit back and enjoy the ride? I could do that now.
I'm far from sure about the answer, I just started thinking about this.
I know I want to "change the world", I've kind of always known that and I've always taken the giggles that unavoidably follows my saying it.
I know I can change something, somewhere, for someone.
In my professional life I always strive for bettering the society in which I'm working and getting into the business of locally and actively doing so daily, of course is a certain way of doing just that. That's "the why" I choose the profession I do keep choosing.
As a private person I have now finally come to a point where I like to contribute in my spare time also. I blog to entertain, inspire and raise questions. The upcoming project I have with my oldest son is a new certain step towards making my voice heard in really important and burning issues. The fact that I'll be criticized and scrutinized doesn't scare me away any longer and my vision has a clear focus on where I would like to be of assistance.
That is some part of an answer to the "purpose"-question.
(the "how" is the thrilling part! "how" will I form the voice, "how" will I write, "how" will people respond?)
Here are finally the shots from "The Farmers' Market" down by the monastery. A good day!
Being all mischievous!
A day to enjoy, for sure.
I will remember it forever.
The beautiful rose garden.
"Are you kidding, is it actually possible to drink here?"
It was possible and plenty!
Water fight with neighbours!
Plenty of water was needed...!
Anticipating and probably feeling some butterflies...!
Even before all the good news and great happenings of the vaca, I was this happy just being on vaca!
Getting all wet from water fighting.
Having fun, being so!!
This is good, summer evenings!
Very good indeed..!
Today is Saturday and it is the great good day of an eighth birthday for a certain boy!
We'll have a great day, hence. Hope you will too!